Plenty of research supports the strong connection between the quality of a person’s childhood and how they fare, mentally and physically, as an adult: Experiencing more adverse events as a kid directly correlates with worse later-in-life outcomes, and vice versa for positive events, with things like resilience and social support influencing that relationship. But the nature of how these childhood experiences can sway our behavior as adults is nuanced, according to family and relationship therapist Vienna Pharaon, LMFT. It isn’t just the folks who experienced overt trauma as kids who may carry inner-child wounds, or what Pharaon terms “origin wounds,” into adulthood. Rather, she says all of us have some version of these wounds, which shape our unique understanding of ourselves and our approach to the world.
To be sure, that doesn't mean every negative childhood experience you had can be equated to trauma, nor that you can blame all of your negative behaviors as an adult on your parents. Instead, Pharaon’s approach suggests we understand our childhood family systems as the foundations of how we go about our lives as adults. When we fall into unhelpful patterns or behaviors, we can then often trace the reason why to a particular dynamic or circumstance of those formative years.
Drawing the line between these childhood realities and our adult behaviors is the subject of Pharaon's new book, The Origins of You. In it, she outlines five main categories of inner-child wounds—worthiness, belonging, prioritization, safety, and trust—and how they ripple into adulthood, as well as how to begin healing. To accompany the book, she also created an online quiz, which you can take to get a glimpse into the origin wound you may be carrying, and how it’s influencing your actions today.
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