To be a parent on the internet is to be constantly accused of false advertising. We make parenting sound “so freaking horrible,” “messy, tedious, nightmarishly life-destroying,” like it will “change everything, mostly for the worse.” Or is it that we make it look “so easy,” “aesthetically-pleasing” and “effortlessly beautiful,” “miles from what motherhood looks like for many of us”?
People can’t seem to agree on whether it’s our soul-sucking complaints or our phony cheer that dominates the discourse. By some accounts, current discussions about the difficulties of motherhood are a pushback against a time when it was idealized. Others say the “mommy internet” used to be a place where moms could be “raw and authentic”; only recently has it become overrun with “staged, curated photos that don’t show the messier part of life.” Either way, it’s irresponsible. What real-life mother could possibly measure up to a “vision of motherly perfection”? Who would choose to have children in an atmosphere that insists child-rearing is so bleak?
I don’t find either argument terribly convincing. Whether you think the internet is overwhelmingly positive or overwhelmingly negative about parenting probably says more about the kinds of content you notice than what’s actually out there. It’s the digital equivalent of buying a Honda Civic and then suddenly seeing them everywhere. If you are seriously considering having kids, the internet seems awash with horror stories about exhaustion and rogue bodily fluids. When you feel overwhelmed by parenting, logging on is all doting odes to the beauty of parenthood. Both veins of critique make a similar allegation: that there is something off about the way parenting is represented online, and it’s causing people distress in real life.
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